AKWA{EKE}
IGBO + TAMIL + PAINTER + WRITER + ADVOCATE
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Posts
- CALLING ALL LGBTQI FOLKS IN CAPE TOWN!
If you identify as LGBTQI (or know anyone that is) and are living in Cape Town, I am in DESPERATE need of your help.
This weekend marks the last few days before one of my photography projects is due to be handed in. Unfortunately, due to circumstances beyond my control, not all of the individuals arranged to photograph were able to come through. As such, I am in DESPERATE need of new faces to photograph. I am aware that this is really late notice but any help or referrals would be greatly appreciated. This interested should email: FYEAHAFRICA@GMAIL.COM for further info.
Otherwise, feel free to pass the word on.
PLEASE NOTE: This project is solely for academic purposes (non-commercial) and involves no renumeration.
THANK YOU!
- DynamicAfrica
#signalboost
- you do realize i cannot deal with how amazing you are, almost. and that i want to keep you forever, and that you remind me of the first time i had rosted corn from di side of a lagos road and only got one and wish i got a million, as in i wish i had known to have more of you all up in my life and made more time while i was Brooklyn. you are a relief, more than that. like a mercy. My god.
everything in this message is art.
have i mentioned my love for this woman?
oh. here. love.
- That's some fantastic stuff you got there!
Aw, thanks so much! I’m such a fan of that Darkness song too, thrusting is always appropriate for it ;)
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Posts
- May 11, 12I recently decided to give my hair a new look and so I dyed the front of it. I had intended to dye my whole head but one box just isn't enough for my hair and for some reason, I couldn't find more than one box. Nigerian stores seem to carry mostly black hair dye. I'm not sure what to call the new colour but I dig it...
I used Dark and Lovely light golden blond even though I was going for a reddish colour because darker colours or red shades barely show up at all!
My haircare routine now involves more deep conditioning and protein treatments to balance out the negative effects of hair colour. - Apr 20, 12EDIT: Oste Accessories are on the front page of Essence.com!!!A very satisfied customer!Did you want to partake in the Oste Sale that was happening in New York, but alas, you were not in New York? Never fear! The sale has moved to Etsy, where you can now select from the exclusive styles left, and have them neatly shipped to you.You don't even have to get up from your desk. Or in my case, kitchen table.
- Apr 17, 12Ladene Clark by Quazi KingSo, there I was on Tumblr, peacefully procrastinating and scrolling through my dashboard, when I came across a discussion on 'unkempt' natural hair. I said I wasn't going to engage in a discussion about it there, but I do write a natural hair blog when I'm not neglecting it, so I figure I may as well rant about it here.First of all, there's this whole idea that black people must comb their hair. I don't know how many times I've had to tell folk to stop going through their afros with a fine tooth comb. People stay breaking up their curls because their hair is meant to be 'combed', and it drives me nuts. Your hair is meant to be detangled. And that's only if you're not trying to loc it up. If you're going to use a comb, use a wide ass comb and detangle with conditioner under running water.This whole idea of combing out your hair, picking out afros until the natural spirals are removed, what is the point of it? Or is it just a personal preference? I get combing it out if you need it finely detangled to braid or cornrow it, but I must say, I really dislike some picked out afros. Give me a wash and go, a textured afro, a twist-out, a picked out afro in a geometric cut. My sister used to pick out her afro for ages when she moved here because you know, we're supposed to comb our hair. I tried getting her to leave it be, to no avail, until she rinsed out a conditioner with cold water one day and saw her natural spirals. She called me from the bathroom, excited to realize what her hair finally looked like.Why are we supposed to comb out our curls?! No one asks white people with curly hair to comb out those curls, their curls are nourished and taken care of, not picked out. You can't brush white curly hair because you'll just end up with frizz and static. But for us, it's different. You can have clean, moisturized, healthy, detangled hair, but if it's not 'combed', then it's 'unkempt'? I'm not buying it. Bump the noise.I'm probably biased because I free-formed my locs, and the issue of unkempt hair is particularly strong with locs. Heaven forbid people can't see your scalp, that your locs aren't twisted tight and shiny, that they aren't the same size and shape. People equate that with dirty, unkempt, uncivilized- never mind that my hair is probably cleaner than folk with manicured locs, being as I need to wash it every other day. Does no one take the time to challenge who gave us those ideas surrounding our hair? Right.I supposed all of this is to say that I don't really get what 'unkempt' hair is supposed to be. If I keep my hair clean and healthy, that's about as 'kempt' as it needs to be. This is what our hair looks like!! When we're not manipulating it, brushing it out, combing it to pieces, our hair is in kinks and tight curls and whorls and everyone needs to get used to it. We do not need to be combing out our hair in order to make it 'socially acceptable'. We have curly hair, it's okay to leave it curly. Brushing and combing and destroying curls to make it acceptable by making it straighter is just reverting to a mentality we were supposed to be escaping by going natural.Pick/comb/brush out your afro if you want to, because you want to, not because people are saying it'll be unkempt if you don't.PS- Curly Film Chick (who writes the hair blog "Your Africa Is Showing") and I are chatting about this as I type the post, and she just added: "I dont think thats ever going to go away, even in admiring our own hair. Still be like- "gotta tighten up that kitchen"" #welpTerence NanceYagazie Emezi
- Apr 05, 12
- Apr 03, 12There I was, innocently browsing through my reading list, when I came across an article on Bella Naija titled "African Girl With Long Hair". Hmm, said I. Perhaps this will be an interesting look at how being natural can help you grow your hair. Right? Obviously. What else could it be?
I was wrong. I was so wrong.
Let's look at some gems from the article:So the task at hand is to show those women who prefer the Asian/Caucasian hairstyle, how to achieve it with their own natural hair.
Given that in 21/2 years the hair can grow beyond the shoulder, what we have to look at is
(a) How to strengthen the hair to make it look and feel like the Asian/ Caucasian
(b) How to groom the hair to ensure that it is strong and healthy until the desired length is achievedYou know...at least we're admitting that the goal is to have Asian/Caucasian looking hair. But then, there was this:In strengthening the hair, the process of hair relaxing is used. Relaxing loosens the hair’s natural curl pattern located inside the hair cortex, and once this curl pattern has been loosened, the hair becomes straight and the new structure cannot be reversed because the structure of the hair molecule has been reshaped. Reshaping the original molecular structure of any element weakens it, but if properly treated, that element can be made stronger in its new shape.
"Strengthening" and "relaxing" should not be used in the same sentence without some kind of negative modifier in there. Relaxing does not strengthen your hair!! I mean, the author even knows this, but couches the truth in lies. Your relaxed hair will never be stronger than your untreated hair!Given that relaxing runs the risk of making the hair to be brittle and weak, hence tending to breakage, this problem can easily be avoided if the application is performed by an experienced and certified hair stylist.
o_O. A hair stylist wrote this article.Actually, it was sponsored by some hair care company that sells relaxers. Hah. I laugh kpehe kpehe. The commenters are throwing shade reliably, and someone suggested that she means "straighten", not "strengthen". Proof-reading is a skill, my people.Happy Tuesday. Smh. - Mar 14, 12
If you're in the Lagos, Nigeria area and need your hair styled for an event, product recommendations or tutorials, send us an email at litk@leaveinthekinks.com
:)
- Mar 19, 12
- Mar 06, 12Life as always has been nuts but thankfully Zara has been holding fort. I haven't had much time to blog but Zara insisted that I should send pictures of what my hair has been up to so here goes...
I've been making video tutorials and video blogs but I haven't got enough bandwidth for uploads. Next time I'm out of the country, I'll put up a lot of posts. In the meantime here are a few pics of what I've been doing to my hair.
I'm emailing this in from my phone so I have no idea what order they'll appear in. There are updos, twistouts, yarn twists, freeform afro etc... - Feb 09, 12
So, the interwebs has been all aflutter because Willow Smith cut her hair off.
Honestly, I am yet to understand why. The girl shaved her head. And so? What's the big deal? Maybe it's a cultural thing, I had my head shaved from 10-16 for secondary school, as did nearly every other girl my age I knew. In fact, Willow having half her head shaved seemed more 'daring' than this big chop scenario.
Also, people need to mind their own business and let Will and Jada raise their daughter. Sheesh.
The kid is cute. I like the short hair. You? - Feb 03, 12Both Miss Fizz and I currently have our hair in yarn braids (beg her to give una pictures). I did mine on Wednesday night, first just one to see how it looked, then I realized I had to do all of them. Now, some of you can braid half your head one day and continue another day. Not me!Once I'd started, they needed to be finished. I did not time it wisely, starting at around 8pm and finishing around 1:30am. Thank goodness United States of Tara was on Netflix! I had to add extra yarn when I reached the end of the loc, and I knotted and burnt the ends of the braids. Didn't really bother about being precise with the length and thickness of the braids, figured I'd keep a rough look to it :)Personally, I love it! It's like having long locs! I just need to remember to keep greasing my scalp so my dandruff doesn't kick in.
- Jan 31, 12
- Jan 26, 12
Why are Bantu knots called Bantu knots? I should probably Google this instead of throwing the question out via a blog post, but maybe one of you knows the answer. I know West Indians call them Chiney knots? Did I spell that right? Is that a even a racially appropriate term? I come to you full of questions, yo.
Anyway, I recently realized that my locs were now long enough to tie into knots. Excitement galore! See, I joined a few, so my normal habit of occasionally twisting them and braiding them to hold the twist just wasn't working unless I used rubber bands, which I don't want to do. So being able to twist them and then tie them into a knot is a cause for celebration, it's more efficient, which means I can be more lazy. Awesome, in my book.
So I twisted the locs, tied them into knots, and there we go. I didn't really take pictures of the knot-out because, well, it didn't look great, haha. It was wonky locs sticking in all directions and I ended up just pulling them back as usual. But when my locs are much longer, I think the wonkiness of the curl will look good. - Jan 23, 12Zara has just returned after her sojourn in Africa and came bearing a selection of items from Oste Accessories! If anyone is interested in purchasing from her, they can send her an email at litk@leaveinthekinks.com or check out the full selection available with pricing, by clicking HERE.Get them while you can! Shipping can be arranged.
- Jan 13, 12I found this article (as well as LITK's email blogging address) today and wanted to share it with you guys. Read and comment.
http://www.guardian.co.uk/world/2011/dec/16/curls-nigerian-women-straight?mobile-redirect=false
- Jan 08, 12
- Dec 31, 11
Miss Fizz and I are being boring and going to sleep after spending the day gallivanting around Lagos, swimming, and chopping well well.
Thank you to everyone for your love and support, for interacting with us, emailing us, being a part of this.
Here's to another year of awesome sauce!
Love,
Miss Fizz and Z - Dec 13, 11
- Dec 14, 11
So the Champagne, Cupcakes and Curltalk- Birthday Edition is almost here! I checked out the venue yesterday and was so pleased with what I saw. It is being held in Colours in Africa which is located on Musa Yar'Adua street, off Idowu martins, off Adeola Odeku, Victoria Island.
It is a lovely furniture store filled with beatiful pieces made here in Nigeria. Just stunning stuff. You might want to bring your chequebook to pick up something unique for your home. We've also got vendors selling everything from clothes to accessories and there will be hard to find hair products for sale as well as food and drink. We will also be giving away samples of my new body butter and of course goodie bags!
We've got so much planned for the day so come along and have a good time.
Tickets are N1,000 and can be purchased from Colours in Africa, Bogobiri House Ikoyi or by calling 07082315325 or 017654546.
See you there!
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Posts
- Women discuss their preference to not date 90's babies
90’s babies throw e tantrums reinforcing why said women refuse to date them.
I.E: Ya’ll ain’t ready. Quit crying. Date your generation.
Kelechi Amadi-Obi
Artist and photographer Kelechi Amadi-Obi is a major force in the creative scene in Nigeria
African fashion is steadily developing, and West Africa is at the helm of this explosion. Creative talent accompanies the rise of emerging stylists, designers, make-up artists and of the different crafts that make up the building structure of the art and fashion scene.However, there are some who dared to be there, even when it seemed a relatively untapped market. Artist and photographer Kelechi Amadi-Obi is a major force in the creative scene in Nigeria. His passion for art pulsed strong in the seventies, even though his dad had deep misgivings regarding him building a career in the arts.
YASSSSSSS
i adore this song and video for always
Celia Cruz - La Negra Tiene Tumbao
peep the orange wig and matching orange everythang.
flawless video.<3
#NeverForget
LMAO at the “never forget” hahhaha
The look on Jay-Z face is priceless!
Never forget.
i’m laughing and cringing simultaneously
#neverforget
- sugar? and panadol? ahaha, that's intense. i HATE taking meds in pill form and have to spend a few minutes calming myself down before hand, so I don't choke on 'em. i've become much better at it tho but my worst experiences with meds has to be when we lived in France and a lot of the meds (for kids) have to be inserted up the anus. yeah. but urgh, I wish I could be spontaneous with traveling like but you already know the trials of having a Naija passport. that's amazing tho, so jelly.
BUTT MEDS?!!! #diesslowly
yeah, i have to take deep breaths and prep before taking any pills and i still can’t take any big round ones. like panadol. god, i hate panadol.
puerto rico is like visiting a US state, folk living in the US already don’t need an additional visa to go there. i literally came in and out on my driver’s license!
Vogue Fems 10’s Ghetto Fab Ball
can you tell vogue femme is my fave category?
- ooh, I keep seeing ur pics on instagram of PR. watcha up to there?? I love me some OJ but I've completely weened myself off of any liquid that isn't water or red wine. slowly trying to embrace a healthier diet and lifestyle.
lol i just bounced there cos i found a cheap ticket o! spontaneous trip- friend and i rented an apartment by the beach. it was the bomb! went hiking in the rainforest and jumped off giant rocks into pools of water etc
i need OJ because i gotta take daily pills and i cannot take meds with water. i have a psych block to that which makes me throw up lol. i blame my mom. she used to grind panadol with sugar and make me take it like that as a child. i became an expert at throwing my pills into a corner of the dining room when she wasn’t looking lol
- Why you no blog as much?
on le tumblr? i thought my queue had been keeping up lol. been finishing up with school and planning what on earth imma do with my life lol
on le blogger one? i had to stop there when i started SOGI Naija, it was just too many things to keep up with, especially as I’m still running Leave In The Kinks. i do miss it a bit, and writing text posts on tumblr doesn’t really have the same effect :(
“Alter Gogo*” - A photographic series by Nigerian photographer Andrew Esiebo
Football has captured the heart of Africans.
It is the game that knows no boundaries of age, gender or status. It is often said as Africa’s unifying game.
One of the people in whom these phenomenons of football have reflected is the Gogo getters Football team in South Africa.
Alter gogo is a diptych portraits series of grand mothers footballers in Gogo Getters football club in Orange farm, a township of South Africa.For them, playing the game has become an alternative to better living and making social relevance in their community. Football playing is their therapy for their health, social and physiological problems, like diabetes, high blood pressure, alcoholism etc.
Alter gogo proposes an alternative image of African women. Quite often the collective imaginary, African women are often located in the sphere of the “tradition”. The image is the one of the oppressed woman, submitted to tradition and tribal customs, with no authority, freedom and conception of the self. Women’s sad faces often complement African stories of famine, poverty and violence. Hence Alter gogo challenges gender stereotypes as well the role and image attributed to women, in particular in their old age. The Grand mothers’ regalia, their proud postures in the soccer field along with the charm of their intimate spaces and loves create a powerful socio-cultural scenario in which soccer is the means and the ultimate expression of a new gender and generation identity.
- Andrew Esiebo, 2010
*(‘gogo’ is a South African word from the Zulu language meaning ‘grandmother’)
- 3540 plays
- 347 plays
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Posts
- May 17, 12"I’ve dedicated my entire life to documenting queer lives. I wanted to make sure I document (lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender and intersex) lives. All my major projects are gone.”
In light of a recent devastating robbery that affected noted photographer Zanele Muholi, Palm Wine NYC started an equipment replacement campaign. Palm Wine NYC's mission statement is:We are LGBTQ Nigerians who believe that human rights and dignity are our birthrights. We have created this space to collect and document our individual and shared stories in the hope that we can build authentic relationships with ourselves and each other, heal from our generational cycles and patterns of isolation and oppression and envision a future that embraces us all.
The campaign is a fundraiser on Indiegogo, and you can click here to donate and contribute.In solidarity with Zanele we would like to galvanise support from the global community to help replace her equipment. We know there is nothing we can do from NYC to recover the works stolen, but we can make sure that her future work continues to be produced and shared. Please read Zanele's words below and help out however you are able.
So far, support has been overwhelming and the $4,000 goal has been surpassed, which is awesome! Donations are open until July, so let's keep it rolling in. In Zanele's words-
---Palm Wine NYCOn the 26th April I returned from Seoul, Korea where my documentary Difficult Love was shown at the 14th International Woman's Film Festival. All went ok until I got home only to receive bad news from Liesl about burglary at our flat on 20.04.2012. I''ve lost all the work I produced from 2008 - 2012. Also backups were stolen. I thought of the day I spoke with another friend about alternative storage. Now it is too late. I feel like a breathing zombie right now. I don't even know where to start. I'm wasted....The person/s got access to the flat via the toilet window, broke the burglar guard and got away with my cameras, lenses, memory cards and external hard drives, laptop, cellphones ...Whoever ransacked the place got away with more than 20 external hard drives with the most valuable content I've ever produced...
Spread the word!! I'm proud to be a part of Palm Wine NYC because this campaign is rather bloody amazing. Sending love and strength to Zanele, her work is so important!! - Apr 17, 12
Growing up, fear kept me on the straight and narrow-minded path the people around me expected me to walk.I grew up a Jehovah’s Witness. I have no intention of getting into much theology here, nor am I going to say that my fear was a direct consequence of my upbringing. On to the point—I was taught that certain people would be killed in Armageddon and those who served God faithfully would survive and move on to paradise.I should’ve been happy, right? I got baptized young, I attended the meetings. By all accounts I was a good girl. But I was paranoid as fuck and didn’t tell anyone. I would see something innocuous in the sky, like search lights or a funky cloud formation, and start searching for signs of the end. I think I was about eleven when I started doing this, the same year I was baptized. I never once believed I was on my way to paradise, and there were whole years where I watched the skies for the moon to turn to blood and four horsemen to descend from the sky and tear me asunder.But even though I’d already decided it was futile, I still went to the meetings and expected to do so my entire life. When I realized I was queer at 16 I decided I would take it to the grave quietly. I was, for some reason, quite alright with this view of my future—shut up, keep my head down, be celibate, and wait for God to kill me after years of pretending to serve him. (Seems legit.)It’s strange, the things I feared. I was unafraid of dying, but afraid that God would kill me because I thought I was already too messed up to save myself. In the end, my ass would still be dead so…yeah. I’m not sure why I was peeking out the blinds at night for years either.It was wasted energy and at some point I got over it. I had my first sexual experiences with a same-gender friend, dealt with the religious consequences that came with it, and was for the first time in a long time forced to actually confront what I really feared. I didn’t fear God. I didn’t fear death. I didn’t fear bloody moons and Jesus and horsemen bashing people’s heads in with golf clubs or whatever the fuck I thought Armageddon even was. I was primarily afraid of being judged. When I made the comparison between coming out to a friend who understood and explaining my “sin” to a judicial committee of old men, I realized that there are better things to fear than judgment, or punishment.For instance, self-loathing. Self-imposed loneliness. That empty feeling I once got where I woke up and thought to myself that I was born dead. It sounds melodramatic to type out now, but to the young folks that go through it it’s all real. The angry God, the disappointed family, the disgusted friends, and all the other hateful judgmental people I invented just to attack myself and feed my fear were real to me.I just want to say, to anyone still stuck in the middle of that kind of situation…the fear is real, but it isn’t true. A loving God, a happy God, is not going to demand that kind of fear out of you—so don’t judge yourself before he does. A family that’s truly looking out for your success will not chuke you in the foot for doing what is necessary to survive, either. Few people can be as harsh as we are to ourselves, and those that are will never be worth more than a few turned cheeks and a dramatic exit anyhow.But let me not pretend to know something I don’t. I’m a young one, still working it all out, and I can only speak from that perspective. But religion in Nigeria and in the Diaspora has sadly become hard to separate from homophobia, both cultural and internalized. Abject fear and worship should never enter anyone’s mouth in the same sentence, and those who misuse God’s judgment as a weapon against others will receive their reward in full.--June Mebei - Apr 10, 12What to do about tensions that have been caused by automatically assuming that your Nigerian extended family will be hostile to you for being queer?A lot of people talk about the terrible things that they have suffered at the hands of family members for being queer or same-sex loving. This article is not intended to undermine any of that. Rather, it presents a different situation whereby there is a premature reaction from the queer person because of the expectation that being queer automatically comes with being met with hostility from unwelcoming family members.In the last couple of years I've created some distance between members of my extended family and myself because I assumed that they would naturally be unwelcoming of my queerness. In my experience, Nigerian family members love to get involved in the nitty-gritty details of your life. They also love to share those details with any other family member who care to listen.I remember in High school when I was about 12 and had returned from boarding school with a second set of ear piercings. News about this had travelled to all my aunts in various parts of Nigeria even before I set down my bags to unpack. Months later when I thought the hype had died down I was spending time with the family and my grandma called me into her bedroom for a heart to heart. Guess the topic? Those piercings!Same thing when I got my tattoo at age 15, family members I hadn't seen in years were ringing me left, right and centre. I could give more examples but my point is that the trend seemed to be that people who deviated from the norm were not only talked about a lot but also grilled as to why they were trying to be different and lectured back onto the straight and narrow. I have a large family so hearing similar messages repeatedly can get on the nerves of even the most accommodating person.As I grew older and explored and outwardly expressed my sexuality and gender presentation, I was eager to avoid the family melodrama so I did my best to stay away from family functions. I called less, visited fewer times and generally got less involved. This was easy since I lived in a different country than the majority of them. I also knew that if someone out-rightly asked if I was queer and I would not be able to say no so I thought it would be best to avoid being the next topic of family discussion.Last week, I happened to stumble upon a photo of my gran and cousin that had been uploaded on Facebook by my aunt. I wanted to ‘Like’ it but didn’t because I did not want to bring attention to some of the ‘gay’ things on my Facebook wall. After a day or two, I returned to Facebook and noticed that this same aunt had put up a few other photos and had proceeded to tag every other family member in our Facebook circles(i.e. her siblings, my cousins, my siblings) except ME.I felt left out and wondered if there was any particular reason other than simple forgetfulness. This aunt and I aren’t exceptionally close. I never call, text or write her. I do not even as much as ‘poke’ her so it does make sense if she forgot. However, the incident and my reaction to it made me do some larger-level thinking surrounding my distance-keeping.I came to the conclusion that I was staying away for several reasons; the biggest one being the fear of rejection. Since I refuse to hide my queerness or tone it down, I removed myself from a situation where I might be under pressure to do so. My extended family is quite conservative and religious. Although, I have never specifically discussed same-sex love or attraction, or cross-gender representation with any of them, I decided for myself that they wouldn’t be supportive of such things so why approach them with something they would most likely shut down?Another issue I thought about is resolve. By that I mean being totally comfortable with who I am and not feeling like I can’t be part of a community or its values because I don’t exhibit every single characteristic that is expected.Having been through(I am still going through this journey, in fact I don’t think it can ever be completed) phases of trying to figure out who I am. I feel as though I am at a point where I am OK with who I am at whatever phase I am at. I also feel I am confident enough to invite people- be they extended family that I have assumed to be strictly conservative- to know me and to be involved in my life to the extent that they wish to and that I allow them to. I also think it would great to learn more about how they think and indeed what it is they truly expect, if at all they have expectations![A friend of mine simply told me that they don't care about what I dress like and who I screw. I feel that I want them to care and actively express that they are interested as these things are important to me(this is a whole different story, one about being given the platform to put forward what you need acknowledged from those who are present in your life)]Obviously, there is a good chance that I will experience backlash such as homophobia, being talked about behind my back, people asking my parents or my siblings silly questions and the possibility of this affecting my relationships with them or all our relationships.All that being said, I do feel that it’s unfair to have written-off relationships with many of my family members based on my conceptions of how strict conservative Nigerian extended family members are supposed to react to queer people. I would love to get a bit more involved in the extended family action and I would love for them to know me in all my queer glory (if they want to!).
- dykeroadbaby - Apr 10, 12Rotimi Fani-Kayode was born in Lagos, and later settled in the UK with his partner, Alex Hirst, after a stint in the USA. His photography explored tensions between his homosexuality and Yoruba upbringing, as well as sexuality, racism, and colonialism. He died of a heart attack while recovering from an AIDS-related illness.“My identity has been constructed from my own sense of otherness, whether cultural, racial or sexual. The three aspects are not separate within me. Photography is the tool by which I feel most confident in expressing myself. It is photography therefore — Black, African, homosexual photography — which I must use not just as an instrument, but as a weapon if I am to resist attacks on my integrity and, indeed, my existence on my own terms.” - Rotimi Fani-KayodeEvery Moment Counts, 1989.Nothing To Lose XII, 1989Cargo Of Middle Passage, 1989UntitledNothing To Lose VII
- Apr 10, 12This is my first time contributing to SOGI Naija, so a little intro before I get started. Hello. I’m a queer, American born, Naija blooded individual who’ll be going by the name of June. I was born and raised in the American south and understand that there are huge differences between growing up queer in the diaspora and growing up queer in Nigeria itself. Nevertheless, we all have Nigerian parents.They’re the parents who never let you get too proud but boast of your accomplishments, the ones who let you know that 94% was cute and all but you should still shoot for 100% next time, the ones who see your clothes and hair and make that face where they sort of half-smile politely and half side-eye you for days and wonder about your circle of friends, the ones from whom you tend to seek a sense of approval that’s hard to conjure up on your own. Ok, this could all just be me, but I have a feeling people can relate when I say my number one fear in coming out to my parents was that they’d simply be ashamed. I feared that I’d be written off and put aside somewhere, still loved but not supported or accepted or worthy of their pride.My mom keeps photos of my sisters’ weddings—a man in a tux, a cake, and a banquet for all three sisters. If a visitor saw our family picture on the wall and asked about us kids my mother would be happy to present photos of the three married daughters. If I get older, marry a woman, have a wedding, would those pictures be up on her wall? Would my kids be her grandkids? Would they have a place in her album? If someone asked my mom “So how’s June? Is she married too?” would my mother shake her head before answering? Truth is, I don’t know and am tired of caring. But when I was asking myself all these questions I worried that I’d be that one kid she glosses over when someone asks, “So how are your children?”I’m leaving my father out here because he died some time ago, but that’s another thing that bites me. I don’t know how he would’ve reacted if I came out—I never got the chance to tell him. The other day I was missing him terribly. When I went to my mother for comfort she said, “When my father died I just thought of what he would have wanted me to be doing.”For me that isn’t comforting because I do not see myself as the child my father thought he had. I do not see myself in ten years being where he wants me to be because if I were my peace of mind, my identity, and my self-esteem would be at stake. A couple of weeks before he died we were watching Ellen and she was with kids and he said something to the effect of, “Why do they let someone who is openly lesbian be around kids?” I still think about him saying that. I feel that on some level, he would never be proud of me if he could see me now. And I don’t have him around to tell me otherwise.This is turning into a long sort of negative ramble and I haven’t even gotten to my point yet. Perhaps I should’ve put a disclaimer—I’m wordy as fuck so bear with me lol. In any case, my point with all this is that the fear of somehow shaming my parents is what made them the last people I would’ve come out to six years ago. But now? I’m starting to realize that for me, visibility needs to begin at home.I say this because I’ve noticed that parental/familial homophobia stings more than any other kind. Maybe that’s in part influenced by Nigerian culture. I don’t see cutting off my family because they do or say things that hurt me as an option. I once tried to talk to a white acquaintance about wanting to talk about the anti-gay Nigerian bill with extended family and he simply said “Fuck ‘em”. In America there’s this idea that if your family doesn’t accept you as you are, then balls to them! But to me it’s not an option. My family is my foundation, and when I don’t have the space to be visibly queer with them, I don’t have the space to be visibly queer with anybody.I say this because when I go out and I hear someone slinging around homophobic slurs, I can quickly label them as someone I have no further need to associate with. But when my sister repeatedly uses “dykey” as an adjective, I can’t just conveniently ignore her existence. Unless I speak up and make it clear that I’m one of the people she’s insulting when she says that, I’m going to have to hear it again when I’m trying to enjoy a family barbeque, and again when I’m trying to relax and watch television, or again when we’re at a day out shopping. Every place where I should be enshrouded in the support and love of my family could with one word become a place where I feel attacked and defenseless. The only thing I can do to remedy the situation is remind her that when she says something disparaging about people who are LGBTQ, she is badmouthing her own flesh and blood. And since she ain’t about trying to lose me as a sister, hopefully she’d come to respect that.The same applies to the situation with my mother. Before I was out there was a lot of direct talk about how gay people are doing something abominable and unnatural and unmentionable. And to be honest, my mother has no qualms about saying any of this to my face to this very day. But I feel as if me being out forces her to be less judgmental. Now I know that when she thinks of gay people, she doesn’t think of limp-wristed white boy junkies whose daddies never raised them right. She’s got to think about me. And even if she never accepts this as part of who I am, at least she knows that you don’t have to be an attention-seeking, coddled, American deviant to be queer. I can also be the prudent, hard-working, straight-A student, who still tries to learn Ika and the proper way to cook pepper soup with fish, who loves her family and isn’t interested in rebellion. If that’s the only little shard I can chip off the iceberg of parental homophobia, I’ll take it. It’s better than being unheard, unseen, and unknown.-June Mebei
- Mar 15, 12
The first time I went to Lagos, I was dressing in boy clothes and binding my chest. This didn't stop people from hitting on me, even though a woman at the NYSC compound flat out asked me if I was a boy or a girl. I wish I had said "Yes", or "No", but I was so taken off guard and ended up saying I was a girl :-/ Apart from that, I didn't get many comments on how I dressed, perhaps because I opted for skinny men's jeans and fitted tshirts. It's quite likely that I just came off as a tomboy. My tattoos and hair got more stares and remarks than my clothing did, to be honest.
The second time around, which about six or seven months later, I had stopped binding because I was having breathing problems and I was concerned about damaging the skin on my chest. However, without the binder, I couldn't wear boy's clothes without severe bouts of body dysphoria. For those who don't know, dysphoria is a medically recognized mental and emotional condition that results in a person having severe feelings of depression, discontent, and indifference to the world around them. For people whose genders don't match their bodies, this can result in suicidal tendencies, self-harm, etc. I couldn't emotionally handle the dysphoria caused by not binding and wearing boy clothes, but since I couldn't bind, the only other option was to turn to girl clothes instead. I knew I would be unhappy not having the option of wearing boy clothes, but it was better than experiencing the dysphoria.
That's how when I came to Lagos the second time, I was girly. Femme. Blending in with the straight people #passingprivilege. Still, I managed to get asked if I was gay before I'd even left the airport, so there just might be a gay aura around me. The way people treated me was markedly different- I got harassed and hit on by men more, mostly. I was invisible in some ways- you wouldn't know that I was gay or genderqueer unless you asked me, I think. In some ways, that was a relief. In other ways, it meant having to come out repeatedly. Just the act of putting on girly clothes opened a door of privilege to me. In fact, the very fact that I had the option of wearing girl clothes and compartmentalizing my feelings about my chest was a privilege in and of itself. That really isn't an option for a lot of people.
So I send love to all those people who suffer from gender and body dysphoria, who get flak for their gender expression, who are forced into clothes and bodies that don't belong to them. You, as they say, are not alone.
Pertinent- Spectra's piece on "Coming Out As A Nigerian Boi" <- #readit - Mar 15, 12
- Mar 15, 12
- A fun informative graphic set I thought would be quite helpful-
- Tumblr has the best diagrams.
- Oh, and this image by Sabelo Mlangeni that's part of the Black Men in Dress series in South Africa. Can we say fierceness?
- "Who Says Being Queer Is UnAfrican?" Check out this article on queer politics and African history.
- Mar 10, 12
Everything I could ever say about voguing culture and being a black gay person in New York City has been said by the movie "Paris Is Burning" #watchit.
I mentioned in my last post how my identity as a queer Nigerian is influenced positively by the acceptance I've found in Western (to be specific, New York City) locations. Finding other gay Africans and Nigerians was really just the icing on the cake. The thing I love about the gay community is that it has a culture of its own, and regardless of origin, it's a culture you can partake in simply by being who you are. So even as a Nigerian, voguing culture is still my culture, because I'm also a gay Nigerian. Abi, they call this intersectionality? I might be wrong #bigwords. It's like how wearing saris is still part of my culture because I'm part Tamil, even though I'm Nigerian. You sabi? Or how listening to American rap music is a part of the culture of Nigerian youth today, even though it's not Nigerian #globalization.
All of this is to say that watching this video makes my heart swell with happiness. Upon that, when the little kids are doing their turns! I nearly cried.
Enjoy it. - Mar 15, 12
This is just a quick note.
It's a common argument used by anti-gay Nigerians that being gay is a 'Western' thing, that it is un-African, et cetera. Needless to say, this is an argument easily deconstructed- take for example the fact that Christianity is also a Western thing. We wear Western clothes, we go to Western schools, we use Western technology, and the list goes on and on. Besides, gay people were around long before Western influences, while homophobia wasn't.
The reason why it's easy to draw this link is because it's more acceptable to be gay when you're in a Western environment than when you're not. The logic is simple- you have more people coming out in spaces where they feel safe (eg, in the US and the UK) than in spaces where they don't (eg, Nigeria). The reactions of family and community can be harsh and unwelcoming, people get disowned and kicked out, called abominations, exorcisms are tried out, you know how this list can go on and on.
It's hardly shocking that we turn to other cultures that have space for expressions of alternate sexual and gender identities, space that is released from the homophobic input colonialism and Christianity doled out to Nigeria in abundance. We are then influenced by these cultures, by the language, the music, the dance movements, the expressions, the freedom that's denied to us at home.
Being gay is a Nigerian thing, whether you like it or not. Being intolerant shouldn't be, but hey- they gave us homophobia and we took it. - Feb 02, 12Carmen: "No Mom, I'm her girlfriend. We live in the same house and sleep in the same bed, Mother."Carmen's mother: "Better a whore than a lesbian."Carmen's sister: "You're so selfish."Carmen: "I'm the selfish one? When you all sit here and expect me to live out some sort of lie so you can live comfortably and you're calling me selfish?!"This scene is from the popular American TV series "The L Word", where Carmen (whose family is Mexican) comes out to her people while dating Shane. It resonated for several people, especially those from communities of color, where the emphasis remains on putting the comfort and wellbeing of the family or community as a whole before that of the individual. This is contrary to a more Western ideology of putting the individual before the collective- making no statement on which is 'better', just noting that these are different family and community dynamics that play out in different cultures.In the scene, Carmen's sister calls her selfish because the act of her coming out forces the family to acknowledge that's she's gay/lesbian/queer, and thus, makes them uncomfortable. In a sharp comeback, Carmen points out that her family could equally be considered selfish for asking her to lie to them and live a lie merely to keep them comfortable. To be honest, even in situations where family members know that one of them is gay or lesbian or queer, silence is usually the preferred method of dealing with this, and this applies easily to Nigerian families as well. When the silence is broken, that's when the wahala starts.In another American TV series, 'Glee', the character Santana comes out to her grandmother in an emotionally wrenching scene.*
Santana: "I've watched you my whole life and you've always been so strong, done exactly what you believe and never cared what anybody else thought of you... I love girls, in the way I'm supposed to love boys. It's just something I want to share with you because I love you so much. I want you to know me. When I'm with Brittany, I finally understand what people are talking about when they're talking about love. nd I've tried so hard to keep this locked up inside, but everyday just feels like a war. And I walk around so mad at the world, and I'm really just fighting with myself. I don't wanna fight anymore, I'm just too tired. I have to just be me."
Abuela: "Everyone has secrets, Santana. They're called secrets for a reason. I want you to leave this house, I don't ever want to see you again... you made your choice, now I have made mine... it's selfish of you to make me uncomfortable... the sin isn't in the thing, it's in the scandal, when people talk about it aloud."
And there we have it, my people. Is it selfish to come out to your family because then they'll be uncomfortable? Obviously, coming out is a hard and personal decision that can forever alter the relationship you share with your family, but is it selfish?I would say not. In my opinion, I try to be an authentic person to my family and I subscribe to the belief that someone can't love all of you if they don't know all of you. However, half bread is better than chin chin**, so if the price of coming out and letting your family see all of you is too steep, it makes perfect sense why people choose to live with the love they are receiving without coming out. We do the best with the conditions we're in.***Perhaps the issue is in what we define as selfish. Doing what's best for you, even if it means making some people uncomfortable, might be considered to be selfish. Frankly, I just call that taking care of yourself, and if that makes me selfish, I'm emotionally okay with that.What do you think?*I'd love to use Nigerian shows as a reference but well...you sabi already.** Unless you actually prefer chin chin to bread, in which case, disregard this expression.*** Alternatively, na condition make crayfish bend. - Feb 09, 12An old video that's pretty self-explanatory and also one of the very few times I talk about being queer and Christian. It's a topic I usually avoid because I'm not likely to change my mind and I dislike arguing with religious bigots #kanyeshrug.
- Jan 31, 12From Brooklyn by way of Nigeria, Adepero Oguye is a graduate of Cornell University and has recently blown up on the scene for her portrayal of Alike, a teenager coming into her identity as a lesbian in the award winning film Pariah. If you haven't seen Pariah yet, you need to. I found it immensely moving, and small details of gender expression in were precious. Plus, to have a Nigerian starring in it rather rocked!At the very least, Adepero's got full ally status in my book. Jisie ike!!Adepero in Vanity Fair
- Jan 23, 12Gratuitous faceI prefer to be identified as queer- not gay, not bisexual, not lesbian.
I like to be specific, you see, even though I won't argue the point too finely in certain situations. In a club in Harlem, when a shocked Nigerian man can't believe that my friend and I have no interest in grinding up against him or his questionable friend and as such, blurts out- "You're not gay, are you?", I have no problem in saying "Yes, actually I am." It gets the point across. It's succinct. They know what it means, even though said man managed to follow us around for the rest of the night as if an insistent presence was going to change our minds. It didn't, by the way.
Or, in Murtala Mohammed Airport, where I haven't even been in the country for four hours yet (three of those hours have been spent waiting on my bags), and a new acquaintance manages to ask- "You're not gay, are you?" and I start wondering if I'm sending out gay signals that Nigerian men are able to hone in on like sharks to blood. Is it the tattoos? The way I walk? There must be something.
I generally don't mind being seen as gay, in certain contexts. It's an adjective I can roll with, one that makes me think of fabulousness and twirling to a fierce beat, stalking across a dance floor in VI with snapping hips and indomitable joie de vivre, grinding up on hot girls and- excuse me. I've gotten a bit carried away. Ahem. I had a good Christmas, by the way *wink*. What I was trying to say is, I adore gay culture, and I especially love being around fellow gay and queer Nigerians. Gay is a good word to me.
However, it's also a word that people like to nail you into a box with. Once people realize that I'm gay and I'm sometimes attracted to men, they start assuming that I'm not really gay and therefore, all I need is a good man to sort me out. Or as a Nigerian chef I once worked with charmingly put it- "Real man neva fuck you yet." There's so much that's offensive with that argument, I barely have words to express it. I invite you to express outrage in the comments.
Just to clarify, you can totally identify as gay or lesbian and be attracted to men. The two are not mutually exclusive, although I bet there are hordes of people who would argue this point with me. Ok, but you're wrong, though. My personal issue is that when people start with the whole- oh, you can't really be a lesbian thing, I like to casually point out that I never called myself a lesbian to begin with. I call myself queer, which (before you ask) just means I'm not straight. Queer has come a long way, from being used as a slur, to being reclaimed and crafted into a powerful political identity. People love to ask what queer means, but the only person who can answer that is an individual, because we each decide what that means for us.
I'll take pansexual any day before I accept bisexual. I really don't like being called bisexual and once people find out I'm open to more than one gender, that's the word they go to. That's when I realize that I'm about to enter a whole gender conversation that sometimes I'm not ready to argue about. I have to explain to people that there are more genders and sexes than male and female, that sex and gender don't exist in a binary, and so on. Hence why I won't use a term like that to identify myself with. It inevitably derails into an argument about the binary, and the last time that happened, I just left the conversation and emailed my friend in question a few papers that were helpful to me in deconstructing the sex and gender binary.
I don't identify as lesbian because that implies woman-woman and a) I don't identify as a woman, and b) I'm attracted to people who don't identify as women, either. It's really simple, once you free your mind from the binary.
There are not many topics I would put my foot down and insist that I'm well-versed on, but gender and sexuality happen to fall within my purview. I know gender is not a binary because my gender identity is outside of the binary (that's a whole another topic to explore later). I'm qualified to talk about this not because I'm all up to date on theory and academic knowledge, but because I live it. Long story short, I'm pretty gay as long as we're open about what that means, but it covers all the bases if you just call me queer. Nicely.
While we're at it, just call people whatever they wish to be called. It's as simple as "What do you identify as?" or "What pronouns do you prefer?" (pronouns are going to end up being another post...I can feel it). Please note that no one is obliged to actually answer these questions, and you might be told to mind your own business. That's okay too.
This thing of trying to squash us into boxes for others' benefit is getting really old. - Jan 08, 12Writing from Cape Town, South Africa
I've had to think a lot about what direction I want this site to go in, and why I even started it in the first place. As I mentioned before, the push to launch it came from the anti-gay bill and all the associated brouhaha that was raised around that, so it definitely had this political tinge to it. However, the main reason why I run this site is similar to the reason why I even started writing and being out as a queer Nigerian online in the first place. I want people who feel alone, and like there are no other queer Nigerians to be able to hit up Google and find a space (such as this space and others in the Resources section) where they can read about other people like them, where we can know that we aren't alone, and where we can feel a little more at home. In running this space, I also need to take care of myself, so that's part of the reason why I need this to be a positive area that rejuvenates, instead of draining.
Obviously, being able to follow up on the news regarding sexual and gender minorities in Nigeria is important, but we face so many other challenges, like coming out to our families, intercultural relationships, living at home in a homophobic environment, expressing our gender, et cetera. I want this site to be a place where we can just talk about things like this. Allies are welcome in the discussion, but to be honest, I do not want this space to be a place where we have to fight to be heard or defend ourselves like we have to do most of the time. This is a space for us, first and foremost. I want the tone here to be informal and laid back, yet engaged.
Negative comments will not be approved.
What would you like from this space? - Jan 08, 12I haven't got into the swing of posting in the new year yet, but I wanted to link people to a few articles, et cetera that make for good reading in the meantime.
- Spectra Speaks did an amazing article on Autostraddle entitled- "I Am Alike- A Nigerian Boi's Reflection on Pariah", which I recommend you go and read immediately, for it deserves plenty kudos. Leave a comment, too. I've been going through them, and I'm always immensely happy to see other queer Nigerians join the discussion #smiles
- Speaking of comments, this comment left on that article by Fashiking made my day-
It is with articles like this that I realize that Nigerian LGBT people are really passing through a lot of things. Being a brother to a Nigerian gay man who is at present in a stable loving relationship, I always want to believe I have an idea of the difficulty people face when they have same-sex affections. It was a huge shock when my brother came out to us his family so many years ago, my loving, caring, very dear younger brother, a very brilliant graduate from the university then, an example of best behaviours, pure, mild and gentle in everything…..until that time, I was the fiercest homophobe in Nigeria, wishing fire and brimstone on anyone who professes to be gay or support gay relationships.
It was a hard time, I cannot deny it, but my love for him as my dear younger brother won me over. He was, and still is, in a stable relationship with a man then, and you had to really feel the love between them, it was that palpable.That was more than 10 years ago, and I can say as a family, we have come a long way since then…..
I think the most important weapon in the fight against homophobia is love and affection. Gay people must learn to love homophobes as much as they are hated. Because, it was my love for my brother that won me over, and I can say rightly, that that love is more important than any other thing in the world. From my experience over the years, a lot of people in Nigeria are living in the closet on the down low, just because of societal values and the deeply entrenched homophobia that Nigerian bigotry with religion has done nothing but increase. They live in classical Catch 22 situation: How do you want to show people that being gay is great, if you dont come out as gay first? Yet you cannot be accepted if you cant show that being gay is good!!
I believe the answer also lies with families of people who have come out as gay, and have been accepted. If they can show that life does not end when you have a family member that is gay, then, maybe people will start seeing reason in the idea of sexual identity and orientation. The question I always pose to my friends and other people whenever the gay question is up for discussion is this: ‘What if I wake up tomorrow, and find that my father/mother/son/daughter/brother/sister/niece/nephew/uncle/aunt/cousin etc was homosexual?” What would I do in the circumstances?’ you will be surprised at the answers you get to this question. And I have been able to change the mind of a few people (I’m proud to say that) towards the subject, both through word and deed. A few of my friends have met my brother, and they have come to understand that love can have a same-sex identity too.
I am Nigerian, I have no other country. I have not other land or citizenship. I love my country, I am not gay, but I believe that people in same-sex relationships are not less human than the general population….hope that doesnt sound like a statistic….lol
- I'm adding an exciting new member to our Resources tab- Soular Bliss, who wrote the Prayer to My Queer Naijas #slowclap. She's one of my favorite people and role models, and you can find Soular Bliss on Twitter and Tumblr, but definitely go check out her home site and indulge in some healing.
- I wanted to repost some personal blog posts from another site I run, but I couldn't decide on which ones and I was too lazy to write a whole new piece, so here- my posts regarding homophobia, as a queer Nigerian.
- Jan 01, 12
It's a new year in Lagos, as evidenced by the noise from churches as I travelled back to the mainland after eleven last night.
I hope you all entered the year surrounded by people who love, support, and cherish you. I've been vacationing and so the posts have been slow, but it'll pick up by next week, never fear!!
Sending strength and love to all my gay, lesbian, transgender, queer, intersex, gender queer, gender non conforming, asexual, questioning, and bisexual Nigerians and our allies.
Happy New Year, darlings! - Dec 13, 11John Adewoye of Courage Nigeria
(12/12/2011) From an article by Joseph Akoro at Behind The Mask,The Nigerian Embassy in Germany has responded to the international reaction to the passage of the same sex marriage prohibition by the Nigerian Senate with a statement on its website. The embassy, which defended the Nigerian senate’s vote on the issue, said, “The debate on this issue, within and outside Nigeria, becomes an unnecessary distraction from the pressing need by the Nigerian government to deliver the dividends of democracy to its people through the provision of educational opportunities, healthcare, employment, basic infrastructure and access to justice.”
(12/07/2011) From the Daily Times Nigeria,The bill, passed by the Senate last week, prescribing 14-year-jail term for gay offenders, has sparked controversy amid increasing pressure from western governments against nations criminalising homosexuality. The legislation passed the first reading at the House of Representatives on Wednesday, a day after United States President Barack Obama directed that American foreign aids be reviewed to reflect his administration’s policy against the discrimination of lesbians, bisexuals, transsexuals and gays....At the House, the bill awaits a second and third reading to become law.
Sigh. Interestingly, it seems a lot of people in Nigeria aren't even fully aware of what this bill is about. I feel like there should a post called "Why This Bill is Relevant to You". - Dec 08, 11Sean Jacobs over at Africa Is A Country recently wrote a post about the anti-gay bill, which you can read here.Not all Nigerians are like this though. A few gay rights activists here in New York City (I know it is safer to do so from a distance) took to the streets–well, to the sidewalk–in front of the Nigerian Mission to the United Nations to protest the new law. In the video–below, shot by one of my students, Travis Ferland–I especially enjoyed the comments of a man that wandered into the frame around the 1:27 mark.
- Dec 07, 11Beloved Naija kin and fierce allies,I stand with you as a proud Queer Nigerian. Rooted in Igbo soil, Abia from my father’s side, Imo from my mother. Face carved in the likeness of my ancestor’s stories. Heart lined with freedom fighters and healers. I am OUT (Opened Up Truth)!!!I stand here as a living spirit holding you with all the love i can muster, face to face, hand in hand, heart to heart as we evolve what home can embody when its built with the ingredients of our fullest expression and transform spaces that would rather kill us than risk the release of the ignorance they hold so dear.In light of all the fear and ignorance and hatred that continues to plague our beloved country, I cradle my heavy heart with palms full of prayers, each one bearing our names and the vastness of our spirits. This prayer is an invitation to the power within us and a celebration of the intentions we bring to life. It is a call for healing and transformation. A reclamation of the truth of who we are.I share this with you as a love offering, with humble reverence for all that we courageously are. Our ferocious power and beauty illuminates Naija, unfolds her into the beauty she is meant to be. May these intentions carry us as we heal our nation and kiss homophobia, transphobia, biphobia, queerphobia into oblivion.(((Centering myself, closing eyes, opening up heart as wide as possible, breathing deep)))Blessings to every part of us!!!Every part that has walked with us since the beginning of creation. Every part that will birth our future bright. Blessings to our ancestors who have illuminated our paths with their love, blessings and wisdom.May we always know love as our birthright and transformation as our mother tongue. May we endlessly and infinitely be in love with all that we are. May we honor what lives within us, bear witness to our wounds, acknowledge the deep roots of colonialism, of post traumatic slave syndrome, of internalized racism, of trauma from our lives and the lives of our families and our ancestors. May we honor these sites with the deepest compassion and courageously walk in our healing.May we know that our truths are sacred, vital to our living, healing to our world. May we always walk our truths, embody them fiercely and authentically, use them to break the fever of isolation, fear, depression, manipulation, deception, and oppression.May we use pain and suffering as sites for deep and creative healing and transformation.May our love always be held with compassionate hands and hearts, where all of who we are is seen, nurtured and celebrated.May our haters recognize their hate as fear and ignorance waiting to come out the closet. May the closet become too claustrophobic and uncomfortable to stand in. May coming out be fast and contagious.May we remain open, questioning, focused, honest, fearless, consistent, hopeful, courageously tender, loving, compassionate, playful, and delicious as we live through the many casings and seasons of truth-telling, movement building, and healing.May we always know we are held and protected by loved ones, blood and chosen family, our ancestors, our children, the vitality of fire, the peace of air, the strength of earth, the freedom of wind and the vast ever expanding heart of the Universe.May our communities hold the depths of all that we are with integrity and unconditional love.May we reciprocally honor this respect and reverence given to us. May the spaces we build be large enough to embrace us all.ASEEEEE-OOOOO …..and it will be so.with all my love,Adaku Chinenye Utah
- Dec 06, 11
It's been barely over twenty-four hours since I was outside Naija House protesting with some of my chosen family against the anti-gay bill, yet the reach of images and text from that protest have already scattered all over the web and caused the homophobic Nigerians to wild out with their homophobic comments. Take for example-Lovely, right?A lot of the commenters kept saying the same thing, challenging us to come and protest in Nigeria so we can receive 'justice'. I lived and grew up in Aba, only leaving after I graduated from secondary school, and in those sixteen years, I saw quite enough of this 'justice' they're talking about. It involves kerosene, a cutlass, and a tire.So, no thank you. Every time I read a challenge like that, I find myself incredulously wondering if these homophobes think I'm willing to be a martyr just to prove a ridiculous point. Why on earth would I deliberately walk into a situation that would end up with me being surrounded by people who, according to these comments online, are frothing at the mouth to see me dead? I can see how they would want me dead, but I wonder why they seem to think that I want myself dead. As I typed that last sentence, the irony of it makes me smile. It was only a few weeks ago that I actually did see myself dead, quite easily.Now, I take a fierce delight in the fact that my existence is a rebellion against those bigots that would prefer me to go away and shut up. I imagine myself to be a small flying creature (an insect-pixie, perhaps) with the homophobes as the big bad spider trying to lure me into their web, but I remain buzzing loudly out of reach. I know why they want me to martyr myself, so my voice will be silenced. I prefer to stay vocal.I've been asked before if I'd move back to Nigeria, and I don't see that happening anytime soon. I have immense respect and awe for gay activists and individuals who live in Nigeria, because I cannot imagine the amount of fortitude that requires. When I saw how homophobia was so casually ingrained in Nigerian society, back when I was in Lagos in May, it wreaked havoc on my peace of mind. I need to be okay to continue to write and speak and do this work, so I have no intention of being harsh on my spirit in the midst of this. It's for this reason that I don't enter debates with homophobic Nigerians- I am not here to change your mind.I am here for my community, for my beautiful queer and trans Nigerian folk, for our allies, for those of us who reject all labels, for those of us who keep quiet, for those who never thought they'd ever meet another Nigerian who was like them. Any time I want to disown my country for what the government is trying to do to me, any time I ask myself why the hell I keep holding on to a country that doesn't officially care about my life, I remind myself that it's not just me in here. There are many, so very many of us. This is our Nigeria, too. It's our country, our flag, our family. My country is more than homophobes, more than an ignorant government, and I love it. I am not giving up on it #lekwapatriotism.That's why I won't shut up. I have a home, and even if I can't live there because the government is being a hater, it is still my home. You can't take that away from me. I am here to speak so that the rest of my community knows that we have a right to be. We have a right to our own country, to our spiritualities, to create family from each other when rejected by blood, to love. I don't know if our voices against the government and homophobia will create the scale of change we'd like, or if I will see it in my lifetime, but I do know that not shutting up has made a difference. I know that because other young gay Nigerians have told me so, told me that my voice mattered to them, that knowing they were not alone mattered. They are my Nigeria.Frankly, even though these homophobes try to discredit us just because we haven't put our necks under their blades to prove our dedication to our cause, they forget one thing.As we live and even when we die, we are the cause. Every breath I take is a statement, and stopping me from breathing won't stop us. Every memory of us, the words we leave behind will be a statement.We live on.Gbam.In solidarity,Akwaeke Emezi. - Dec 06, 11
So this morning, I got a tweet from @DynamicAfrica giving me a heads up about this story by the Vanguard News, which you can read here. The first line alone had me laughing out loud and shaking my head at the same time over their use of the word 'suspected'. In the second paragraph, they go on to state that we 'claimed' to be Nigerians. For the record, we are Nigerians and we've got the citizenship documents to prove it. Granted, I doubt any of the white protestors were claiming to be Nigerian, but that goes without saying, doesn't it?
I was actually surprised that they managed to report Ifeanyi Orazulike's statements, but then they had to wrap those up by writing that he 'claimed' to be the Director of the International Center for Advocacy on Right to Health. Oh, Vanguard. I think we all know your new favorite word.
It's no coincidence either- the homophobes in Nigeria depend highly on the argument that being gay is not a Nigerian thing, and to be confronted with gay Nigerians directly shreds their argument to bits. Thus, they attempt to discredit us by casting suspicion as to whether we are actually Nigerians or not.
Then, I came across this gem:The Consul-General of Nigeria, Mr Habib Habu, told the News Agency of Nigeria (NAN) that he learnt the group came around and left after a while without demanding to present their grievances to anyone.“I learnt it’s like people making a brief stop-over for a while. If they had requested for me, I would have received them.” (NAN)
You know what? Okay oh. That's the official statement even though an NYPD officer blocked Ifeanyi from entering the consulate and a Consulate official also refused him entry when he wanted to present said grievances?I won't call Mr. Habu a liar, but either he's lying or someone is lying to him. Draw your own conclusions. - Dec 05, 11
So, today I was outside Naija House (the Nigerian Consulate in New York), protesting the anti-gay bill we've been talking about since last week. I got there a little after noon, and I'd honestly been expecting to see more people, but I recognized Ifeanyi Orazulike at once and even one of the photographers who was covering the protest. I waited for my friend, since she was a few blocks away, and then we stepped in and took up signs along the other protestors.
There were a couple of press folk covering the event, and we spoke to them about the bill, what it means to us as queer Nigerians and what our hopes are for the future. One of the women interviewing was being rather provoking, intentionally. She was talking to Osazeme and I, asking if we were a couple. When we said no, she started asking if we had girlfriends. Osazeme politely replied "I'm single at the moment", and I retorted with "I don't see how that's relevant at the moment." She let us be after that...
A few people gave us a thumbs up as they walked past, one woman started clapping once she read our signs, and a Nigerian woman inside her car wound down her window to call out "Nigeria, we hail thee!" several times in support. The protestors raised fists in the air and echoed her call while Nigerians who were walking in and out of Naija House paused on the sidewalk to look over the protest. The positive responses were encouraging, as there was a general air of disapproval from the people at Naija House, though no overtly hostile words were thrown about.
At some point, Ifeanyi made an attempt to enter Naija House in order to submit the position paper that was read in Abuja at a public hearing to the Nigerian Ambassador to the USA. You can read a transcript of the paper HERE. Despite the fact that Ifeanyi holds a Nigerian passport, he was denied access to the Consulate, blocked by an NYPD officer. An official from within stepped outside the door to call out- "We don't have anything to say to you!" and Ifeanyi had to return to behind the metal guards.Z (of SOGI Naija) with Ifeanyi Orazulike (of Nigerian LGBTI in the Diaspora) and Adaku Utah (Nigerian love warrior, activist, and performance artist)Right before we were about to leave, a young man walked up to us and said- "I'd like to ask you a question because that's my flag you're holding." Almost in unison, we replied- "It's OUR flag, too!"Indeed, as one of the protest signs said, we are Nigerian, we are gay, and we are real. The fact that so many gay Nigerians are invisible is a testament to how successful our repression has been. As we were exchanging hugs and introducing ourselves to each other, John from Courage Nigeria was so happy to find out that we were Nigerian as well, he hugged us again together. That sense of community and joy that comes from meeting other queer Nigerians is an emotion that touches us deeply every time it comes along.Homophobia is unAfrican.We dey here.Z of SOGI NaijaOsazeme O of Khandja Kalabash"Imagine how free we could be"Adaku Utah, Nigerian love warrior, activist, and performance artistJohn Adewoye of Courage Nigeria with Z and OsazemeIfeanyi being interviewed by DaVillageTvMy personal favorite shot of the bunch #lwkm - Dec 06, 11Recap of the protest today coming up, but meanwhile, I ended up on the front page of Sahara Reporters. Already, the hatred and homophobia are popping off in the comments!
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